Flying
by kuonji
Summary: Yue shares with Yukito an eyeopening flight of Tokyo.


_Spoiler Warning: This takes place perhaps a year after the very end of the manga series, Cardcaptor Sakura._

_Author's Note: This takes place in the same universe as my other CCSakura fics, "Dreams By Moonlight", "Festival of the Moon", and "Master". However, it is not necessary to read those to understand this story.

* * *

_**  
****Flying**  
_by Kuonji  
_

With one last heave, Yukito pulled himself over the rain gutter and onto the traditional clay shingles of his roof. He settled himself on top of the ridge with a heartfelt sigh. There, open against the sky, he looked out across the twinkling lights of the city, mirrored by the stars above.

He drew in a deep lungful of the crisp autumn air and let it out slowly, letting his mind blank. It felt good. Up here, he was removed from the world and yet still an observer of it. He wondered if this was what being his 'true self' felt like.

_What are you sighing about?_

Yukito smiled at the irritable and not completely unexpected voice in his consciousness. "Hello, Yue."

_You're going to catch a cold._

"I'll just be a minute."

The clear call of a bird sounded from the yard below. Yukito wondered if it had been left alone in the dark.

_Touya's waiting for you._

"I know."

Yukito stared down at the roof shingles, imagining that he could look through them to the bedroom he would now be sharing with his taciturn soul mate.

Having just left it, he could easily picture the new extra large double futon taking up a frightful amount of the floorspace in the room. The single bedside lamp and the ceiling-mounted fluorescent fixture would be lighting up the matching pillows and bedcovers. There would be enough illumination left over to bring the six cardboard boxes by the door out of the shadows.

A few empty boxes had been flattened and spread out on the floor, protecting the delicate tatami flooring from this sudden invasion of foreign artifacts. A flood of clothes, books, and various knick-knacks of a boy turned man now occupied Yukito's room. Waiting downstairs were items of furniture, too, including a solid oak dresser cabinet that had formerly stood in To-ya's bedroom.

That had been the heaviest piece to move today.

_What's the matter?_ Yue sounded confused, giving up his act of aloofness.

Yukito drew his legs up and crossed his arms over his knees. Despite a sudden chill wind, he knew it wasn't entirely for the warmth.

"I'm just feeling a little uncertain right now."

Yue, as expected, did not press. But Yukito felt the need to explain further.

"I'm... I guess I'm feeling nervous about tonight."

_You are worried about... your wedding night?_

Yue's superbly tactful question forced Yukito to smother a burst of laughter into the sleeve of his rabbit-printed night blue pajamas. He could easily imagine the almost comical reaction his shy lover would have to this question.

But the imagined scene morphed instantly into the more believable one of To-ya, fresh out of the bath, standing alone in their bedroom. He would be wearing his comfortable dark brown pajamas and looking around as he wondered where his lover had gone to. The thought sobered Yukito.

"What I meant was, I am worried about tonight and what it signifies."

Yukito felt his other self frown. _I don't understand._

The cotton sleeves of his pajama shirt bunched around his clenching fingers. "I'm not sure that I do either."

Of course, tonight's 'wedding night,' as Yue put it, was part of it. It would certainly be something new to the both of them, and Yukito supposed, when he thought about it, that To-ya's bashful attitude may put the first move on Yukito's side.

But in fact, Yukito found To-ya's light sensibilities endearing. He didn't mind 'taking charge' in their physical relationship, just as he was content to let To-ya lead in the emotional department. (He'd proven himself to be considerably unobservant there, after all.) No, it was something else entirely that had caused him to flee the house for a breath of fresh air.

_Touya isn't making you happy?_

Yukito felt himself smile at the threatening tone in his true self's 'voice'. Yue was at the heart of his nature a Guardian and a protector. "It's not To-ya," Yukito assured him. "Or," he amended, "it's nothing that's his fault."

Yue still seemed displeased though slightly mollified. _I don't understand._

"I know that he and I will be happy together. But," he floundered again, unable to explain. "But on the other hand, I don't. I can't."

It was difficult to explain what plagued Yukito tonight. It was anticipation, of course, and it was fear of the unknown and the new. And it was a beaming little girl, grimy after a long afternoon of carrying bags and dusting windows, throwing herself into Yukito's and her older brother's arms, saying, "I know you two will be perfect here together!"

It was as if everyone -- energetic Sakura-chan, softly smiling Fujitaka-san, starry-eyed Tomoyo-chan, and even peace-signing Kero-chan -- just assumed that everything would be... perfect. And everything in Yukito wanted to assume it too. But at the same time he feared that he shouldn't be taking happiness so much for granted.

How does one explain that one is afraid because one is expecting to be happy?

Yue was silent, and for several minutes, the inscrutable being shared the night with his false form. Then, in a voice as smooth as the silver moonbeams, he asked:

_Yukito, have you ever flown before?_

Yukito was taken aback by the apparent non-sequitor. "I've flown when you have, I guess. What do you mean?" Not wanting to intrude, Yukito normally withdrew when Yue went on his occasional nocturnal flights.

There was no immediate answer, but Yukito felt a familiar shift inside him, accompanied by a mental click, as if a lock were undoing itself. He didn't understand the reason for the imminent transformation, but he submitted to it with easy practice, closing his eyes to the rush of wind that wrapped around and around him until he floated in a cocoon of drowsy safety. As he started to let himself drift beneath his true self's consciousness, however, he heard Yue's voice:

"Yukito," he said. "Stay conscious. And_ feel_."

And with that, he launched into the air, climbing upward at breathtaking speed.

Though Yukito was conscious of the glow of the city fading beneath them, Yue kept their gazes on the stars above, and Yukito found almost to his surprise that he felt no need to look back. In this exhilirating moment, they could only choose to enjoy what was before them. The sky was now seeping into a deep sapphire velvet, and he could see the bright stars twinkling as he rarely saw in Tokyo.

All around him was the sky, crisp and cool and gentle, a three-dimensional living accompaniment. He could feel the air inside him when he breathed, around him as he moved, through 'his' hair and 'his' toes, the slide of wind through 'his' wings thrilling even as it was soothing. So this was how it felt to fly!

"You have yet to see what flying encompasses," came Yue's dry comment. Yukito had barely time to register this statement before Yue twisted, folded his wings, and fell earthward.

A brief flash of the rising moon, and then all Yukito had attention for was the fast-approaching behemoth of the earth.

The sky that had been soft and uplifting moments before now seemed to scream around him. No longer a soothing beast, it was now a violent creature. It shrieked in his ears, invading, scathing, seeking to rip the clothes from his body and the very hair off his head.

And yet... after the first brief moment of instinctive terror, Yukito found himself not afraid.

He trusted Yue. And he could sense through their connection that Yue in turn trusted the mercurial sky that seemed for all the world to be trying to tear them apart. With the trust came confidence to accept whatever may come, and to face it without fear. For how could one fall when one had allies such as these?

Once the houses below became more defined, Yue snapped his wings open and pulled them into a much smoother glide. The wind supported them, caressing them and whistling cheerily after their joyful jaunt together. A few powerful wingstrokes, another flare of those luminous wings, and then Yukito felt a light glow of magic as they stopped to hover in midair.

Yue's heartbeat had increased only slightly, but Yukito was glad for the chance to catch his mental breath. It was a while before he was able to calm his scattered thoughts and begin looking around.

For the first time, Yukito saw his city from this terrific height with no support or obstructions around him. The roads and the building tops dazzled him. Cars and people made their way along their lives as if in a perfect loyal miniature. Having never so much as boarded a plane in either his actual short life, or his fictional boyhood memories, he could feel nothing but awe.

_This is what you see when you fly?_ No wonder Yue always went flying when he was the one present.

"Not always," Yue admitted. "Sometimes it is rainy or cloudy. Sometimes there are traffic accidents. Or fights. Or a fire in the city. The view varies everyday, and one learns to accept them all as parts of a city that is overall good."

Yukito agreed silently.

"Let us be off."

_Where are we going?_

For answer, Yue spread his wings once more. With a flick of his wings and a shift of his body, they embarked on a smooth descent in what Yukito decided was a southwestern direction. They were headed toward Tokyo Bay.

Yue kept a slow pace, allowing Yukito to look his fill at his city in the moonlight. It occurred to Yukito after a few moments to ask his true self why they had risen so high before heading towards wherever Yue had in mind.

"One needs perspective to choose a clear direction," Yue returned. Indeed, the living streets were laid out exquisitely beneath them, the clearest map available.

_And before? Why did we go so high just to come back down again?_

"Ascent and descent are linked. Each needs the other. Such is flying." As if to illustrate, the Moon Guardian rose quickly again before executing a perfect breath-taking tumble that returned them to their former altitude. "Besides," he added, "that is what makes flying fun."

Yukito laughed. As he had always secretly been certain of, despite Yue's immovable countenance, he was not without humor.

Yukito became conscious of a developing haze accompanied by an increase in humidity. They had reached the shores of the Tokyo Bay and the evening moisture was settling over them in a fog. Yue seemed unconcerned by the decreased visibility, beginning a quick descent.

_Aren't you afraid we might run into something?_

"Sometimes," was Yue's simple reply. "But going forward, even when unsure, is the only way to escape the uncertainty."

An enormous cold shape loomed out of the fog, and it was only as Yue expertly veered around it that Yukito recognized it as a _kirin_, one of the red and white steel cranes that lifted goods and equipment from the ships. They had evidently dropped to a height that could be dangerous to them.

Yet Yue continued undisturbed. "Trust me," he said, seeming to sense Yukito's unease. "And trust yourself."

To Yukito's horror, Yue beat his wings powerfully, actually speeding up -- just as another shape loomed, this one larger and much more massive than the crane from earlier. Skeletal, with thick cables and wide steel plates and machinery attached at some points, what was obviously a half-completed high-rise building swallowed them whole.

Yukito could do nothing but gasp soundlessly as Yue wove his way expertly between the bones of the steel giant. Like a sparrow flitting through a chain link fence, Yue swooped through the spaces between the girders, his hair and robes trailing them around the bends and twists that he executed with unconcerned ease. What would have been a clear path was suddenly blocked by a tarp, or a cable, or a hanging crane. There was no time to worry about what might come as they dealt with what was happening in front of them.

Several times, Yukito was sure they would be caught, but every time, with clever wingstrokes and a touch of magic, Yue was able to twist his way clear. Up and around and diagonally they flew, the Moon Guardian seeming to push himself to fly ever faster, until Yukito could no longer tell which way was up.

Then, with a suddenness that took his breath away, they burst through to the open night sky!

The stars and the full moon shone, welcoming them back, and Yue stretched his own glowing wings out to the fullest as if in answer.

They swooped in a wide circle and turned to regard the building whose bowels they had just spun through.

After having gone through it, Yukito could find nothing frightening about it after all. What had seemed to be an ominous obstacle at first was now a companion, or a giant playground, no more intimidating than an obstacle course for the airborne.

Yukito could feel the power that Yue had, could understand that in spite of it they could have still been harmed -- and yet the only descriptor he could think of for his feelings right now was _delight_. Pure crystalized delight.

It was like weaving his way through his opponents in a basketball field, like riding To-ya's bike at full speed down the road. It was like... like life!

Yukito laughed at the discovery, and he could feel Yue's answering warmth.

Yue nodded once, as if satisfied. Then he turned once more and flew purposefully in the direction Yukito thought was homewards.

_We're heading back?_

"Yes."

They soared quietly for several minutes, Yukito savoring the feeling of freedom.

_Thank you, Yue. _It had certainly been an eye-opening experience.

Yue merely 'hmm-ed' in his customary response.

The ensuing silence between them was pleasant, but Yukito sensed that there was a weight to it, as if Yue were deciding something.

Finally, the Moon Guardian spoke.

"On my first flight, I misjudged on the landing and took a terrific tumble."

Yukito said nothing, taken completely by surprise at this rarest of windows into Yue's past. In all the conversations they had shared for the past three years, Yue had spoken only sparingly about his time with Clow and Cereberus. He seemed to prefer to maintain distance, still more comfortable in his role as Guardian, as protector and guide, instead of as a friend.

"Clow watched me fall, and I saw anger on his face. I imagined him to be angry at me, for I was furious, myself. I felt that I had failed, failed in what I expected of myself -- and what I imagined Clow expected of me -- perfection."

_But that wasn't true, was it?_ Yukito interjected._ I'll bet he was angry at himself, for not being able to protect you._

Yukito felt a warm tingle, Yue's pleasure at being understood.

"I was too young to understand then. But yes, Clow never expected perfection from us. In fact, he had worked his entire life to create the greatest of imperfections -- to create _life_."

They were closing on Yukito's house now, and he felt the subtle shift of Yue's sweeping wings that guided them into a wide spiral down.

"Looking forward to a smooth flight does not mean failure if it proves to be a bad one. You need never stop flying for fear of the journey."

Yukito turned over this sentiment as he gazed down at his home.

He imagined the bedroom again, this time from their higher, wider angle. He imagined that he could see the brand new double futon that he had been lucky enough to find at a bargain price. Fujitaka-san had offered to pay for it, but a red-faced To-ya had carried it to the cash register without a word. The sheets and matching pillow cases and blanket cover Tomoyo had designed. Sakura and Syaoran had sewn together the motif of rabbits playing amidst a beautiful orchard of peach trees.

Yukito's diary and a detective novel lay at the head of the left side of the futon. To-ya's side was empty for now, but Yukito could perfectly imagine To-ya's alarm clock and his other bedside articles laying in the space there.

All was lit by the new fluorescent floor lamp that Fujitaka-san had bought for them; it matched the desk lamp on Yukito's Japanese table in the room next door, and the one still boxed atop To-ya's newly relocated desk. They were a practical but elegant gift. "Your mother sends her love too," he'd said. And Yukito had had the distinct feeling that he had been talking to not just To-ya, but the both of them.

At the last minute, Yukito remembered, Kero-chan had offered them a poorly put together rag doll of a winged rabbit, holding a flower that could be recognized as a peach blossom if looked at in the right angle. "I've got no fingers, you know," he'd groused as he handed it over, the doll as big as he was. It had been a rare moment for the little Sun Guardian, his expression almost abashed. Yue had very nearly forced a transformation to check his counterpart's temperature.

The doll now sat on the bookshelf in the corner of the room, its smiling stitched face overlooking the boxes there.

Yes, the boxes. Yukito imagined them against the wall near the door, just as he had left them earlier. Now, instead of a harrowing stack of uncertainties ready to unleash themselves on Yukito's life, they seemed to be holding a yet unknown but anticipated future. Like Yukito's friends (and family), they were there to guide, to support, and to witness -- no matter what level of perfection Yukito was able to attain.

Because, that was life.

And Yukito felt that he had a good one.

_I understand, Yue. Thank you._

There was a glow of light from the doorway, and Yukito saw To-ya standing there in his pajamas, long frame leaning against the wall of the entranceway.

"Go now."

Curving his great wings, Yue swept them to an easy stop, his moonlit robes billowing gently, and they dropped the last two meters to the ground. The instant their feet touched the pavement, a magical field swirled around them, accented by the blue star glow of Sakura's seal. A brief moment later Yukito was left in his pajamas and glasses, standing in the center of the walkway to his... and now To-ya's home.

He felt a little wistful to be grounded again. But of course there were benefits to life on Earth.

To-ya pushed off the wall and came to him.

"You were out." His soul mate reached out with long sensitive fingers to smooth a wind-blown lock of hair above Yukito's ear.

"Yes." Yukito gave no explanation and To-ya, as was expected, didn't ask for one.

"C'mon in. It's cold."

On impulse, Yukito seized To-ya's arms and surged forward to plant a deep kiss on his lover's lips. To-ya stiffened, obviously startled by the sudden display of affection. Yukito remembered in disappointment that they were standing outdoors where people could see. He was resigning himself to his shy soul mate pulling away when, to his surprise, To-ya softened against him and pulled him closer instead.

Yukito sensed Yue retreating from consciousness, as he always did when Yukito and To-ya engaged in behavior that could be deemed private. Today seemed to be a day for firsts, however, for Yukito found himself responding to a sudden compulsion to call the Moon Guardian back, poking impishly at the spot of otherness inside him. _Yue, wait!_

Yue startled, then slipped slowly back within 'listening' range.

When Yukito was sure that Yue was fully present, he broke the kiss with To-ya and leaned back to look into perfect brown eyes.

_Yue, have you ever made love before?_

End.


End file.
